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Expanding attachment science to self
Attachment science is behind everything I do as a therapist. We came first to understand attachment styles through Bowlby and Ainsworth’s research which focused on relationships between caregivers and children. That research expanded more recently to help us understand adult relationships, primarily romantic relationships. Much of the research on adult attachment has been formed around the heterosexual monogamous couples. Attachment theory in it’s history has assumed that secure attachment is based on external relationships and that feeling secure in yourself will follow. In the world of attachment, there’s a new world we’re exploring. Secure attachment to self. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence based model that flips the coin of attachment around. The research within IFS suggests that within every person, no matter what they’ve endured, no matter what needs haven’t been met, is a compassionate curious “self.” And by learning to access this self that’s available in all of us, we gain a sense of relationship to our inner world, from relationship with self we naturally regulate our nervous systems, we sense our brain and body moving from a baseline of survival into a baseline of openness, and the parts of us that hold burdens of pain, get to experience this care and openness so they can heal rather than be avoided or defeated. The healing of secure attachment is available within us all. Secure attachemnt to self ignites neuroplasticity in our brain around this sense of safety which opens up more vulnerable communication in us that we can use with others externally, can help us hold more compassion and curiosity towards others, and with this secure base in self, we trust there’s a place to explore from and return to in our external world. This makes IFS an inclusive model by design so the concepts are more applicable to diverse and marginalized folks such as people of color, those in the LGBTQ+ community, and to those who don’t identify as monogamous.